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Oh good God no.

omgwutsayu in dn_sues

Or Series Title: Glittering Note
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: LonelyPoet21

Full Name (plus titles if any): Gives herself the name of Altessa Estelle but as it's a fake, L renames her Willow Estelle.
Full Species(es): rainbow-thug-exposition makes you smart! Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): "short and blond"
Eye Color (include adjectives): Wears a set of contacts colored in "a mix of silver, blue, and green" to avoid being "recognized by police."
Unusual Markings/Colorations: technicolor eyes?
Special Possessions (if any): A trendy wardrobe that is rather too flamboyant for someone claiming they're trying to go unnoticed; a gamer friend named Mario who is "Hispanic accented" and supplier to the Sue's need to be kept up-to-date in the latest gaming systems, even though it's pointed out to the readers he'd be "dead within minutes" if his superiors caught wind that he was speaking to the Sue; an illustrious past in a gang that shows the author read a wikipedia article on organized crime while getting no real understanding of the world she's appropriating for her character.

Annoying Origin: was a criminal mastermind in a gang until faking her death so she could go to Wammy's House, where she was better than everyone and partnered with L for a year because she was able to solve cases even he couldn't, then apparently since everyone hates her for being better than them and being lovers with L and Matt, the Sue leaves and goes to "collage" to better investigate Kira. Is then worked into the duration of the Kira Investigation.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: L and Matt are both her true loves, she becomes partners with Mello and Matt when Mello leaves Wammy's House.
Annoying Special Abilities: is fluent in Andalusian Spanish so she can explain her (nick)names to L while coming across as simultaneously self-serving and emo (“Altessa...means ‘noble reaper.’ I got it from killing with respect of my victims. There was also another one, Vatusia, or ‘they leave us behind’… I’m sure the reason I got that one is obvious.”); later is instantly able to master Japanese; has been a beta tester for games Matt is into so that the author can write Matt as being impressed with the Sue knowing Super Secret Video Game Things That No Ordinary Mortal Ever Could Figure Out.
Other Annoying Traits: for some reason, at one point in the story, ends up in a cafe with L where the Sue sings a song that she tells the audience is for a now-dead friend but is in fact dedicated to herself; gets two endings so the Sue can get both a happy one (which has her having boy and girl twins with Matt and them naming the boy L) and an angsty ending (which has her witnessing Matt and Mello's death, committing suicide via the Death Note, and words of farewell to the Japanese task force telling them to bury her as "Altessa Lawliet-Jeevas-Wammy".

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

"I looked at him and saw that he was obviously checking out my wardrobe. My hair at the moment was cut short and blond. I wore my usual outfit of a hoodie that was cropped on the bottom, exposing my stomach, and the hood over my head where it would cast a shadow on my face to where it was difficult to see my eyes. Which were a mix of silver, blue, and green. They were contacts. I often changed my appearance so I couldn’t be recognized by police. I also had on my black pants that hung on my hips, and black Converse that went to my knee. Also I had a pair of goggles that hung around my neck as well. He looked surprised when he saw the goggles. It was kind of obvious that he would because of the fact that a lot of people didn’t wear them."

I think the story goes with the Sue being credited as Matt's inspiration to wear goggles...

If you don't want people recognizing you, you don't wear things that make you stand out. Outfits guaranteeing second looks are going to get some of the people doing those double takes to go a step further, and study you. Contacts and hair dye are not going to be enough to keep those who know what to look for from being able to place you.

I know that you're hiding things
Using gentle words to shelter me
Your words were like a dream
But dreams could never fool me
Not that easily
I acted so distant then
Didn't say goodbye before you left
But I was listening
You'll fight your battles far from me
Far too easily
"Save your tears 'cause I'll come back"
I could hear that you whispered as you walked through that door
But still I swore to hide the pain when I turn back the pages
Shouting might have been the answer
What if I'd cried my eyes out and begged you not to depart?
But now I'm not afraid to say what's in my heart
Though a thousand words
Have never been spoken
They'll fly to you
Crossing over the time and distance holding you
Suspended on silver wings
And a thousand words
One thousand confessions
Will cradle you
Making all of the pain you feel seem far away
They'll hold you forever
The dream isn't over yet
Though I often say I can’t forget
I still relive that day
You've been there with me all the way
I still hear you say
"Wait for me, I’ll write you letters"
I could see how you stammered with your eyes to the floor
But still I swore to hide the doubt when I turn back the pages
Anger might have been the answer
What if I'd hung my head and said that I couldn't wait?
But now I'm strong enough to know it's not too late
'Cause a thousand words
Call out through the ages
They'll fly to you
Even though I can't see, I know they're reaching you
Suspended on silver wings
Oh, a thousand words
One thousand embraces
Will cradle you
Making all of your weary days seem far away
They'll hold you forever
Oh, a thousand words
Have never been spoken
They'll fly to you
They'll carry you home and back into my arms
Suspended on silver wings ohhhh
And a thousand words
Call out through the ages
They'll cradle you
Turning all of the lonely years to only days
They'll hold you forever
A Thousand Words

After I finished there was applause and a lot of people were crying.

Fuck YMMV--hardass murdering manipulating thugs don't fucking talk this way. And if they did spout such embarrassing sentimental bullshit, they'd have at least one personal line that wasn't generic, I-don't-know-shit-about-anything angst.

Finally it was time. Mello and Matt both left. I stopped them both. “you both come back to me. Alive.” I said. Matt gave me a thumbs up and Mello smirked. Then they rode away. I walked back to the monitors. I watched as matt shot the smoke bomb and distracted the guards. They chased after him and Halle put Takada on Mello’s bike. Then he rode off. I then watched matt go from curve to curve in his car. Then I saw it. The barricade of cars. Matt was stuck. I watched as he got out of the car. He said something to the guards but I didn’t make it out. Then he went to get his smoke gun and all of the guards fired. It felt as though something had pierced my heart.

In the end, I watched their plan fail.

--oh look. One sentence, about as much or more effective than line after unfeeling line of reciting what we all read/saw canonically. "Pierced my heart"? Did the Sue watch a lover and a friend die or did she get dumped? Tacked onto that canon rehash, that one line holds no feeling of loss at all.