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Apr. 28th, 2009

Oh good God no.


(no subject)

Or Series Title: Glittering Note
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: LonelyPoet21

Full Name (plus titles if any): Gives herself the name of Altessa Estelle but as it's a fake, L renames her Willow Estelle.
Full Species(es): rainbow-thug-exposition makes you smart! Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): "short and blond"
Eye Color (include adjectives): Wears a set of contacts colored in "a mix of silver, blue, and green" to avoid being "recognized by police."
Unusual Markings/Colorations: technicolor eyes?
Special Possessions (if any): A trendy wardrobe that is rather too flamboyant for someone claiming they're trying to go unnoticed; a gamer friend named Mario who is "Hispanic accented" and supplier to the Sue's need to be kept up-to-date in the latest gaming systems, even though it's pointed out to the readers he'd be "dead within minutes" if his superiors caught wind that he was speaking to the Sue; an illustrious past in a gang that shows the author read a wikipedia article on organized crime while getting no real understanding of the world she's appropriating for her character.

Annoying Origin: was a criminal mastermind in a gang until faking her death so she could go to Wammy's House, where she was better than everyone and partnered with L for a year because she was able to solve cases even he couldn't, then apparently since everyone hates her for being better than them and being lovers with L and Matt, the Sue leaves and goes to "collage" to better investigate Kira. Is then worked into the duration of the Kira Investigation.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: L and Matt are both her true loves, she becomes partners with Mello and Matt when Mello leaves Wammy's House.
Annoying Special Abilities: is fluent in Andalusian Spanish so she can explain her (nick)names to L while coming across as simultaneously self-serving and emo (“Altessa...means ‘noble reaper.’ I got it from killing with respect of my victims. There was also another one, Vatusia, or ‘they leave us behind’… I’m sure the reason I got that one is obvious.”); later is instantly able to master Japanese; has been a beta tester for games Matt is into so that the author can write Matt as being impressed with the Sue knowing Super Secret Video Game Things That No Ordinary Mortal Ever Could Figure Out.
Other Annoying Traits: for some reason, at one point in the story, ends up in a cafe with L where the Sue sings a song that she tells the audience is for a now-dead friend but is in fact dedicated to herself; gets two endings so the Sue can get both a happy one (which has her having boy and girl twins with Matt and them naming the boy L) and an angsty ending (which has her witnessing Matt and Mello's death, committing suicide via the Death Note, and words of farewell to the Japanese task force telling them to bury her as "Altessa Lawliet-Jeevas-Wammy".

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

If your appearance causes stares, you're failing with the trying-not-to-be-noticed attempt.Collapse )

Thug, genius--singer and songwriter?Collapse )

Dammit Suethors! Stop trying to outdo each other in removing all drama and suspense from epic scenes in canon!Collapse )

Apr. 5th, 2009



(no subject)

Or Series Title: Comforting Soul
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: wolfwisdom

Full Name (plus titles if any): Faith
Full Species(es): L's tru luv
Hair Color (include adjectives): color's not given, but it's "soft" and "bounced gentle a little passed her shoulders"
Eye Color (include adjectives): "Her eyes were aquamarine that stood out from any other color"
Unusual Markings/Colorations:
Special Possessions (if any): Is a member of the Kira Investigation.

Annoying Origin: I'm guessing she's another Wammy's kid.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Works for L, she's in love with L, L's in love with her but doesn't realize it, Light cares enough about her to try and talk L into pursuing a relationship with her when she walks out on L.
Annoying Special Abilities: can remain "elegant and poised" even while asleep; being "very intelligent for an eighteen-year-old young woman as well as beautiful"? Is she supposed to be smarter and more beautiful than the average eighteen-year-old, or is the author saying it's rare for any 18-year-old to be either of these things? This is the opening of the story, by the way, and it's just...bad. "So-and-so was on the Kira case BUT WHO CARES ABOUT THAT, LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL AND SMART SHE IS INSTEAD!"
Other Annoying Traits: She can be trusted in the Kira Investigation, yet she's perfectly willing to throw it all away because L randomly decides to sleep in her bed with her (nothing sexual happens), and in the morning she tells him she loves him, he responds with "I care about you," she gets pissed off and leaves the investigation entirely. Overreaction much? At least get pissed off and do your job...
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

The Kira Investigation holds no importance compared to my love life!Collapse )

All stupid aside, this one made me LOL quite a bit more than these things usually do...it's generic as hell but entertainingly idiotic.

Feb. 11th, 2009



(no subject)

Or Series Title: A world without a genius is so boring ! Near
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: star-struck-imagination

Full Name (plus titles if any): Rinnu Nagasaki (Though having been at Wammy's House, she has no codename.)
Full Species(es): you!Sue (I thought it was a rule they weren't allowed names?)
Hair Color (include adjectives): "Long black hair, with dark purple streaks"
Eye Color (include adjectives): "red to yellow eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations:
Special Possessions (if any): A fully furnished high class apartment her father bought her ten years ago (the Sue is eighteen in this story).

Annoying Origin: Was placed in Wammy's House by her grandfather to learn how to become a better criminal. Mello and Near both were in love with her and fought over her, then Mello is the one who becomes Kira and kills off the Sue's family, prompting the Sue to join up with Near to gain vengeance.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Knew L. Was in love with Near since she was five. Mello and Near both fought over her.
Annoying Special Abilities: Since childhood, has been able to "see spirits , especially the Shinigami." Gackt immediately came to mind, though I doubt he's claimed connections to shinigami.
Other Annoying Traits: Saves Near from his traitorous bodyguards. Or just random people who are after him, I'm not sure which. The story format is extremely odd. Has what's supposed to be amazing sex with Near at the end but reads...badly.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Avenging your family would have been a shorter answer. Especially since you should really be concentrating on escaping instead of telling your family's history, even if you are abriding it into one paragraph.Collapse )

I thought at first this was written by someone pretending to be a non-native English speaker...

Feb. 9th, 2009



Sweet Snape, it's another Harlequin!Sue!

Story Or Series Title: Wait Forever
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: Joushou-Sensei

Full Name (plus titles if any): Railis
Full Species(es): Harlequin Romance Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): "stylish chocolate brown hair fell into her eyes"
Eye Color (include adjectives): "ice blue eyes," "Her ice blues glazed over yet again"
Unusual Markings/Colorations:
Special Possessions (if any): L's love

Annoying Origin: Somehow met three years ago. L couldn't figure her out and became "dangerously attached." He allows her to live in some apartment of his.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: L's lover.
Annoying Special Abilities: Making L grossly OOC.
Other Annoying Traits: She knows about Mello, so I'm guessing L's been twisted even more OOC by freely giving out information that should remain secret. At one point she says, "But this is the Kira case, cant Mello do it?" meaning she is either so horribly ignorant that even with L's gossip she hasn't quite worked out Kira is more than a minor concern, or she is unbelievably stupid, if she thinks L would put a Wammy's House kid who hasn't even been technically selected as successor in charge of the biggest case to come L's way.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Faux!L, displayer of cheap romance novel antics, has graced us with another visit.Collapse )

Feb. 8th, 2009

Light you still have no ass!!


Angels in Death Note.

Or Series Title: Eyes of angels
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: Ookami Gekkani

Full Name (plus titles if any): Mark Seers (who is female) and Molly Asher, real name Sarah Kana
Full Species(es): fallen!angel!Sue and long-lost-childhood-love!angel!Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Mark has blonde hair, Molly "brown hair that was cut to frame her face"
Eye Color (include adjectives): Mark - gray; Molly - blue
Unusual Markings/Colorations:
Special Possessions (if any): can bring people back from the dead

Annoying Origin: Two American "physics" (physics is misused for every time psychics is meant) that Watari hired "since we’re not having any luck with the Kira case."
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Molly was childhood friends with L and before he was taken to Wammy's House, the two vowed to one day marry.
Annoying Special Abilities: Both girls are angels. In trying to redeem Mark (who is a "fallen angel"--Molly's her guardian), they save people whose names have been written into the Death Note. Mark brings Misa back to life via magic (which is not used on any of the earlier people).
Other Annoying Traits: Time is randomly distorted in the form of Molly baking from scratch in only minutes and magical pregnancies that are completed with no complications in only six months.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

It's so EDGY being impolite!Collapse )

How touching.Collapse )

If it were that easy to prevent a Death Note-ordained death, wouldn't someone have done it by now? These characters are angels, at least use magic as a plausible excuse over why the rules suddenly no longer work.Collapse )

The "fallen angel" magically kills Light, Misa shows no remorse with Light's passing and instead hooks up with some random guy called Toby, non-fallen-angel Sue and L get together, both couples have kids in less than six months. All chapters are started and ended with "conversation" between the author and fictional characters.

Feb. 7th, 2009

Squee mode!


(no subject)

Or Series Title: Rainy Nights
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: Collybear

Full Name (plus titles if any): Constance Baker, codenamed Break
Full Species(es): ubergenius Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Arriving at Wammy's House: "white blond hair" that had "not been cut in many years, it now hung around her mid thigh very unevenly. Nor had her hair been washed, so she looked more like a brunette then a blond, but it still slightly showed." After being enrolled she gets a trim making her "now obviously blond hair" fall "just past her shoulders." There's a time jump of indeterminate years in which her hair has "darkened till she became a brunette."
Eye Color (include adjectives): Arriving at Wammy's House: "Her eyes were blood shot so badly the green coloring was hardly visible"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "very under-nourished and small, probably no more than 4”3', 4”5'" (Google searching the phrase "average height of a ten-year-old girl says this height is nothing unusual.)
Special Possessions (if any): Artistic skills that make her, at age ten, able to draw a perfect likeness of people she's seen only momentarily. Develops an obsession with hats that is based on her moods (If she was feeling particularly artsy that day she wore her beret, if she was feeling cool she wore her fedora.)

Annoying Origin: Lived on the streets of Winchester till age ten, when she randomly decides one rainy night to break into Wammy's House. Breaking the cover off the electronic lock and crossing wires is enough for her to gain entry, and Quillsh Wammy allows her in, since she did this in "only a minute," which is enough for him to predict "Yes, you are next in line" instead of handing her over to whatever agency is in charge of child welfare in Winchester and upgrading the lock to Wammy's House to something that can't be broken so easily.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: instant friends with Near. Mello hates her because she instantly knocks him down to third place and in the story he is "always trying to out shine her, but without even trying she would end up out shining him."
Annoying Special Abilities: smarter than everyone, even Near; Near is immediately friends with her, invites her to eat with him, will only have conversations with her, and goes on shopping trips with her.
Other Annoying Traits: She's from the streets, the Suethor's said nothing about her getting any sort of training from anyone or anything, and she's brilliant enough to instantly outdo everyone in Wammy's House, and break everyone's record for times as well? Also, the Suethor pays no respect to all the social problems the character would have, if she'd really spent all her life alone on the streets.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

How DARE you talk to me like I'm a child! said the ten-year-old.Collapse )

Wammy's House has maids now.Collapse )

In case you didn't already catch she's smarter than everyone without even trying.Collapse )

If you don't fawn over her, you'll be written as an idiot.Collapse )

The Suethor ends things claiming it's a cliffhanger ending instead of admitting they barely had any plot the last seven chapters and no doubt had run out of ideas.

- crossposted to marysues


(no subject)

Server trouble prevented this from being posted yesterday, so tonight there'll be two entries.

Or Series Title: Something Sweeter Than Sweets
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: Akumu Kouhi

Full Name (plus titles if any): Yuri, called Yu-chan
Full Species(es): L's best friend turned true love Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): "long black hair"
Eye Color (include adjectives): n/a
Unusual Markings/Colorations:
Special Possessions (if any): L's lust

Annoying Origin: L brought her onto the Japanese Task Force to help catch Kira.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: L is her best friend; she's been partners with L on many of his cases but "preferred remain anonymous" so that's why L alone gets all the credit, was L's sparring partner "back in the day."
Annoying Special Abilities: Force-feeds L broccoli. He responds by making out with her.
Other Annoying Traits: Taking L's abilities/accomplishments and giving them to the Sue to make the Sue look good.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

So not hot.Collapse )

Feb. 4th, 2009

No words!


(no subject)

Tonight's Suethor should have renamed the male love interest and posted this as original fiction instead of trying to pawn it off as a Death Note story. It's generic and full of implausibility; this is the sort of situation where you get confused over whether it's a writer with potential writing out weak content, or someone unable to write who so relies on stringing together cliches that you start to think they can write, because they have a long story with reasonable spelling and grammar and ostensible plot--only, when you actually think about what you just read, you realize everything was a lot of does-not-work contrivance.

It took me two days to do this one, because all the she's-amazing-because-I-say-so-and-not-because-I'm-writing-anything-to-prove-it! bits gave me a migraine.

Or Series Title: Dangerous Game
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: Marine_L_Girard

Full Name (plus titles if any): Veronica Hughes, alias Vesni
Full Species(es): Harlequin Romance Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): fluffy, bright red pony tail
Eye Color (include adjectives): green eyes
Unusual Markings/Colorations:
Special Possessions (if any): amnesia which is supposed to prevent her from remembering her name, past, and parents, but really just has her not remembering any names. This is cured nine or ten chapters in by Mello saying her real name; a possible romance with Matt prior to his death; Mello's eventual "mini-Mello" lovechild.

Annoying Origin: Her family was on a vacation in Japan when her parents died in a car accident which the Sue knew had to be the work of Kira because her parents "had been well experienced American conartists" who "avoided Kira for years" despite going directly to a country where Kira was once proven to be. The Sue then "got a dead-end job in Japan and spent almost a year and a half wandering aimlessly until she bumped into Mello," who employs this total stranger to help in the task of kidnapping Takada because the Sue wants Kira dead. From there on things go even more AU by the Sue saving Mello. Twice. Then hooking up with him years later.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Working with Mello and Matt at a point where Mello's allowing no one around; close to/possibly lovers with Matt; hates Mello until he basically rapes her, leaves for five years, then comes back.
Annoying Special Abilities: black market prowess enough to gain a mansion and luxury lifestyle, skills shown only through the Sue doing "dealings" on an unprotected laptop. (FFS. Even ficcers writing Matt give enough thought to at least say he hacks into bank accounts and gets money that way. One sentence, makes sense, totally plausible. This? Only shows the Suethor knows nothing about criminal activity.)
Other Annoying Traits: no common sense

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

The Sue saves Mello from his own stupidity.Collapse )

Everything is either healthy food or junk food.Collapse )

It's like a freaking Harlequin romance novel.Collapse )

Well, it's obvious a Wammy's House education was completely wasted on this version of Mello.Collapse )

Sue gets kidnapped, Mello goes to rescue her, how better to end things than with ANGST?Collapse )

The Sue then has a mini-Mello daughter and some time afterward, has a heart attack. In the hospital, her doctor explains: “Her heart was incredibly weak so it was only a matter of time before she contracted heart disease. She dies tragically, lil'Mello! daughter goes to Wammy's House, where she immediately makes a male BFF who's like a reincarnation of Matt.

Added bonus: the story's full of Author's Notes with such requests for feedback as Oooookaaaay...only two people this time for reviews for the last chapter. You people are falling down on your job!! Perhaps the drumsticks were not the right way to go. If you don't review for this one, I guess I'll have to run you over several times with my motorcycle., and If you don't review, that just tells me that you WANT to have your head chopped off and fed to the wolves, your arms ripped off and tossed in a shredder, your legs sawed off and given to the lions to feast on, and finally, whatever is remaining of your torso tossed to the sharks for a feeding fenzy! If you don't want THIS to happen, then I suggest you REVIEW!! I only got like two reviews for the last chapter for Fuck's sake!! Get your act together people!!, among many others.

Feb. 2nd, 2009

Oh good God no.


Gay men = bitchy teenaged girls.

Or Series Title: I'm in love with Matt
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: xYaOixLuVeRx

Full Name (plus titles if any): Daisy
Full Species(es): slut-because-she's-in-the-way-of-boy-love! Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): "fake blonde hair with pink highlights"
Eye Color (include adjectives): presumably wasn't noticeable due to her "thick ass lip liner to much eye shadow"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: honestly--if she's an Avril clone, how unusual can she possibly be?
Special Possessions (if any): Matt's temporary love, a gay stereotype personifying as her brother Paul.

Annoying Origin: She's a 27-year-old waitress whom Matt meets in a bar.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Matt's boring-as-hell, generic girlfriend. Hated by Mello out of pure, catty, idiotic jealousy.
Annoying Special Abilities: Causing canon characters to use excruciatingly moronic dialogue.
Other Annoying Traits: Sounding about half her age.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

I think this quote nicely sums up this entire story.Collapse )

Due to my extreme irritation at those who characterize Mello incorrectly and all the stupid stereotyping, I'll leave my "inclusion" of this story at that one short paragraph; it's not even worth a half-assed featuring.

Feb. 1st, 2009

What?! No! For real?!


(no subject)

Story Or Series Title: Softness Against The Hardened Heart
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: SailorJupiter94

Full Name (plus titles if any): Ayame Kigamaru
Full Species(es): L's-wife-Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): "a river of flowing black water" (as described by L)
Eye Color (include adjectives): "beautiful navy blue eyes" and "appear to be saphires" (both L-given descriptions)
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "nice pale face"? It seems odd to single that out alone, and it's another description by L that just does not sound like something he'd say. Has a scar on her ribcage from her father shooting her.
Special Possessions (if any): L's love, gets pregnant with his kid

Annoying Origin: she's some detective L's age that "the other detectives told" him about, and seeing as she's "brilliant for her age" and "a pretty decent fighter to" he hires her to help with the Kira Investigation.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: L is instantly interested in every aspect of her personal life and past, Light thinks she's drop-dead gorgeous and falls in love with her, Misa hates her because the Suethor doesn't like Misa therefore Misa has to be a stupid bitch.
Annoying Special Abilities: Getting her name written into a Death Note doesn't kill her.
Other Annoying Traits: slaps L within minutes of meeting him because he was "rude" to her, to which he does nothing; existing only so the story can be about her personal angst; simultaneously gets both L and Light's undying love because of her beauty; is smarter than everyone, has a pregnancy that chronologically makes no sense.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Meeting L.Collapse )

The Sue's logic at work.Collapse )

She's supposed to be a detective, they're supposed to be working on the Kira Case, but who cares about that? Let's focus on her not-relating-in-any-way-to-her-current-assignment CONTRIVED ANGST instead!Collapse )

Oh, her name's written in the Death Note? No matter, L will just pull her back from the window she's supposed to jump out of, and all will be fine!Collapse )

Yeah. I know if the love of my life had just died right in front of me, I'd instantly be accusing his coworkers of putting the move on me too.Collapse )

The Suethor then got bored and fast forwarded things to the Light's death scene, which was practically a mention except for where she made sure to point out Light was of course paying special attention to the Sue even in death, then we get an eight sentence wrap-up on Misa, and then it finally ends with how the Sue spawned an L-lookalike baby "a few months later" despite the fact that she got pregnant before L died and there's years between his death and Light's.

- crossposted to marysues

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